Because of nature and nurture I am a trained problem solver. I prefer not to take a ‘no’ as a final answer, neither do I believe that there is a challenge that I cannot conquer. I am a stubborn person that doesn’t take lightly to defeat. You give me a square peg and a round hole and I will find a chisel and a hammer and whittle that peg until it glides smoothly through the round opening. It just soothes my soul to think that the world is full of opportunities waiting to be discovered. These attributes serve me well in all areas of my life. All that is, except dating. Dating is NOT the place to be applying all my innovative problem solving techniques. It is not until a committed relationship is formed that these skills are mandatory to work through all the little details of building a life and lives together.
As mentioned previously, this is really my first go round in the world of dating and the very uncomfortable “gray area”. Though I was able to accept that I must be patient and wait out this period of the unknown I was completely oblivious as to what I am supposed to do with my time while I am being ever so patient. I do all of the things that I am supposed to as far self-care and staying busy, blah, blah, blah. But I was still overly obsessed with a particular boy. Argh! Not winning. Then I remembered one of my self-help books that I had read, The Power of the Pussy (don’t judge, just read:) ). She suggests dating multiple guys, taking nothing seriously and having ALL the fun while you’re learning about yourself and what you want, all the while knowing that one day this tried and true process will eventually deliver your prince charming. She warns against getting hooked on one man until you are having all your needs met and under no circumstances are you to go to bed with these men. My problem was I had already met a guy that I liked and I had already done the deed that shall not be named. Here’s the situation. I liked him, I had already gone too far, I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and I had no back up dudes.
He was a square peg and I was the round hole. He didn’t want to go through the hole and I made that my problem. So I did what any smart, problem solving female would do. I went out of my way. Oh yes I did. I went way out of my way to be over accommodating and create opportunities. Facebook stalking, cute texting for attention and all those other waste of time activities that only produce feelings of frustration because at the end of the day had I made any progress toward my goal? That’d be a no. I saw his square shape as a challenge and out came the chisel and hammer. At first I was gentle with my chisel in its placement, tapping only very lightly. But by the end of this escapade I had taken a jackhammer to it and then when I couldn’t adjust the shape of the peg I placed it squarely atop the hole and was using a sledgehammer to force it through. His shape, still a perfect square would not fit and I was exhausted from trying.
I contemplated where I went wrong and I knew the answer right away. I should have never slept with him and I should have never created that oxytocin connection. I should have seen that he had no interest in meeting my needs whatsoever. In the end he was still himself and I had wasted effort.
I now understand the advice that I was given and I aim to follow it. With new determination to find what I seek and provide this blog with better material as quickly as possible I have decided to re-launch my attempts via internet dating. I usually do one or two sites at a time, but this time I thought it would be fun to sign up for four. If I am going to date all the guys then I need a much bigger sea to cast my nets. I want to see if you get what you pay for, as far as dating apps are concerned. I have signed up for EHarmony($80), Match($70), Plenty of Fish and Tinder(both free) and have three dates planned for next weekend. I will let you know how they go, of course.
You can be sure that I have packed away my jackhammer, chisel and hammer. I won’t need them where I am going. I am a round hole and you can bet your bottom dollar I will find my properly girthed round peg! Ha!
Till next time.
THE 253 LOVE/LIFE JOURNALS 