Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

What is it they say?  If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything?  It’s true…every time.  I suffer from not being a natural boundary setter type person.   I usually let too many in and don’t always see the signs telling me to throw them out.  I am working on it though.  My life has been all about cleansing in the last year.  I am trying very hard to eliminate toxic people and situations; a very tough and yet relieving practice.

What I know for sure is that learning these big life lessons takes time so I still run the risk of letting in new toxins by another name.  There are many wolves out there cloaked in sheepskin.   It took me a long time to see the wolf in my past relationship and now I have to be wary not to be taken a fool twice by a beautiful smile, a look, a favor, a touch…Men are not the only wolves out there.  The other half of my poisonous equation is the beast inside my head telling me that I am not good enough, I am not perfect.  I was an unknowing yet willing victim for years and now that the wool has been pulled from my eyes I can see the evils lurking where I have previously permitted.  I have been attacked before but I refuse to let the big bad wolves keep me from seeking greener pastures.

Here is where the boundary work needs to start.  I have a ‘let it happen’ problem.  This is what I was guilty of before.  Attempting to make myself more pleasing by way of being a “yes” person and manipulating the circumstances to achieve favor.  All the while putting my personal preferences aside and ignoring glaring red flags because I am much too busy trying to make them see that I can be everything they have ever dreamed of in a woman.  Although that may be true, this can never work. Eventually, I am going to want to be true to myself  and then resentment is born because of my choices and lack of self worth.

So let’s forget that nonsense and instead stand for something.  I am going to define my wants and respect my needs in relationships.  I will not fear a loss when standing up for who I am and what I believe.  Only self respect can keep the beasts at bay.  Besides, if I am surrounded by wolves in sheepskin not only am I likely to get bitten, I won’t be available or ready when a real Ram comes my way and this time I am accepting no substitutions.  This time, I want the real thing.

So who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?  Not me, not anymore.

The Frozen Lesson

As some of you may well know, I was greatly charmed by the Disney hit movie Frozen.  I wept tears of strength as I sang along with Elsa and let it go.  But what was I letting go of exactly?  I was letting go of the pain of a terrible relationship, the expectations to be someone who I am not and I felt more prepared than ever to be all of who I am to the point that I too may have been able to make an ice castle on a whim and transform Elsa-style into a magical sparkly dress(yes!).

But as I entered into this realm of new relationships, I started to ponder the method.  It seemed that if I were to ‘let it go’ in the throws of new romance that would surely be the scariest thing any man this side of the Mississippi would ever encounter and send them running for the snow covered hills.  I mean, I have A LOT of love to give and I’m pretty awesome, but all at once can be pretty overwhelming.  So then if I am not to ‘let it go’ must I then ‘conceal don’t feel’?

And the answer is an emphatic “yes!”, at least for the moment…So I told Elsa to shove it because I need to check myself…before…well, you know what happens if you don’t check yourself.

Maybe it’s not fair to ask myself not to feel those emotions, but I feel pretty certain that it is much easier to restrain myself from drunken texting when I am aware that ALL of those feel-good feelings I am currently experiencing are meant for another day much farther down the road.  Heck,  maybe even another guy.  But I will never know if I keep ‘letting it go’ all over the dating scene.

Maybe it’s more like feel then conceal/ journal incessantly/talk all of my girlfriend’s ears off.  Then waaaiiiittttt for it….alll the waiting…and then after enough time has passed to allow adequate screening and he has shown himself worthy of such affections. Then can I sprinkle my lover with little tiny snowflakes of adoration in a graceful manner that exudes patience and wisdom beyond my years(I’ll let you know how that actually goes).  But before that happens if I find myself about smother the poor unsuspecting guy in a love avalanche (aka a ‘luvahlanche’), I will purpose to utilize the RIPAHG method.  RUN IT PAST A HOME GIRL(this is not the home girl that slashes tires) and make them listen to me gush and question and speculate for as long as it takes me to bring it down a notch or until they have to get back to work or whatever….

So for now, as far as the new dude is concerned….conceal, conceal, conceal…take a deep breath and wait.